Monday, June 26, 2006

Another weekend passes in a blur

I'm not a great writer. Or even a really good one for that matter.
So much goes on in my life each day that I want to talk about. But I 'm not always sure how to express that here in this forum.

I am going through such a difficult time in my life. I feel like I want to write about it, talk about it. Mostly, it comes out in the form of poems. They seem to best allow me my self expression.

Weekends
are killing me
slowly

Not because they
are boring
but
because they are
overwhelming

Running from gym to gym
calling kids
filling in score sheets
arranging snacks
or other parents
to arrange snacks

keeping my cool
when people are too hard on my kid
when I am too hard
on my kid

rising at 6am to get to the gym by
8am for the days first game
last game time 730pm
later that evening
a concert for the middle child
birthday party for the youngest
and a tournament 2 hours away
for the oldest

and it begins again
early Sunday morning
home by 930p that night
no laundry done
no floors vacummed
no bathrooms cleaned
all need to be done
all falls on me

"so don't go every weekend"
"you don't have to be at every game"
others say to me
but they don't know
understand
the consequneces of those actions
it's more exhausting,
that conversation,
that fight

I trudge on
beginning to resent
the time required
to keep my kids
busy
out of trouble
with no time
just
for
me

Please Lord
don't let me become
the bad mom
who's never there
Who stops going,
participating
simply because
I am tired

2 comments:

chele said...

I understand. I was in a dance recital a few weeks ago. While in the dressing room I overheard two young girls talking. One girl was explaining that her mother never comes to any of her stuff. She was trying to be brave about it but I could tell she was hurt.

Icey said...

Your writing is wonderful! Don't underestimate your gift!