Monday, October 19, 2009

Asking questions of myself

I need to make some changes in my life. I'm barely treading water and I am not happy. I'm not miserable, but not waking up happy and appreciative to have another day.

That is not cool. How can a person have a job, a roof over their head (however temporary) and food, and not wake up happy.

I am alive. I can walk and breath on my own. I have clothes in the closet. OK, so most don't fit right about now. I can change that. I can do something about it!

But, I won't. Why?

Why am I willing to settle for mediocre when there is so much more I can do. I can be better than this. Do better than this. Need to get further along in my life than this.

It so much easier to stay down in the dumps. Keep gaining weight, keep feeling down. Why do I insist on feeling sorry for myself? What do I think I am going to gain from it.

Not a damn thing.

So I know these things to be true, I've put it out there. It's in the universe and written down for good measure.

Next step is, I need to change me.

How exactly do I make that happen?

I don't know. I'm going to give it a try. Starting now...

I'll keep you posted when I get it clearer in mind. And I will get it clearer because I am going to post it here. That will help me hold myself accoutable because I have to write it down where someone other than myself will read it.

Check in with me. Let me know what you think as you follow me along this new journey.

7 comments:

chele said...

On my way to work today I saw a license plate that read "BBal Mom" and I thought of you. The thoughts on this post dated 10/19 are the exact thoughts that I have today on 11/10. Today I had to force myself to write a list of things that I am grateful for. It was hard ... healthy kids, my own health, good job, home, car, etc. but there is still that longing for something else. I hope we both find it.

Unknown said...

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
Helen Keller

Change is possible if you believe.
Keep trying, it's only a matter of time before you get there.

chele said...

Checking in.

How's it going?

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